Dear Future: You Missed the Whole Point

“A hit dog gon’ holler,” my father once said. For those of you who didn’t grow up with grandmas who cooked chitterlings, and the ability to navigate back roads without streetlights, this quote might elude you. But to put it simply, when people are feeling particularly guilty about a thing they’ve done, or continue to do, they tend to respond to general statements and discussions, even if they were never mentioned by name. That is exactly what Future did.

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5 Responses to Ciara and Russell Wilson’s Engagement That Prove Y’all Ain’t Sh*t (And Will Be Single Forever)

Seattle Seahawks Quarterback Russell Wilson and entertainer Ciara Harris arrive for a state dinner for Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe, Tuesday, April 28, 2015, at the White House in Washington. (AP Photo/Andrew Harnik)

The internet exploded last Friday when we learned that Russell Wilson and Ciara had gotten engaged. After having dated for nearly two years, the couple is finally ready to make it official. We’ve all been sitting around, watching their every move, wondering when Russell was going to pop the question. The two had been practicing celibacy, and the truth is, we all wondered when they’d give in to the sin of the flesh. As far as we know, there hasn’t been any skin to skin action. Now, they’re happily celebrating their engagement. And boooy it’s really pissing the F*ckboys of America off.

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Ok. I’m Sick of Y’all Tryna Play Ciara Like She’s a Deadbeat Mother–Listen Up Jerks

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Damn. Y’all get on my nerves. Every time I turn around, I gotta make a public service announcement because y’all don’t know how to act. Every time I open up my Twitter or Instagram app, I see some ol’ raggedy baby daddy complaining about how much time Baby Future has been spending with Ciara’s new boo thang Russell Wilson. But here’s the thing–y’all need to have a seat.

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