“Lordy, I hope there are tapes,” Comey says, as he lights a cigarette in a dark room, wishin’ a muthafucka would. “‘Trump?” Haven’t heard that name in years,'” he scoffs as he puts the cigarette out on a wooden desk. He pops his collar, and flicks away a piece of lint resting on his blazer. The clock strikes seven. (The aforementioned events have not been confirmed, and were in fact completely made up by KarmaJonez. The rest is real doe.)
“I’ve submitted my statement for the record, and I’m not going to repeat it here this morning.”
“Hail Mary” by Tupac is the song playing in James Comey’s head and in the hearts of real Americans, as he stands before the Senate and raises his right hand. Today as we face the challenge of taking down one of the biggest bullies this nation has ever seen, we’re ready for war. Donald J.Trump is on the chopping block, and James Comey brought a choppa.
Jim Comey came to play hardball today, and his pokerface will go down in history. When we talk about this clusterf*ck years down the line, we’ll revisit his image, looking into the eyes of a man who simply has no more f*cks left to give.
Now don’t get it twisted-James Comey wasn’t always a friend of ours. When he decided to investigate Hillary Rodham Clinton in the middle of the 2016 Presidential race over emails, he became a political pariah for those of us who had good sense. It seemed that he and the Tangerine Toddler were in cahoots. Then, in May, only four months after the Tangerine took office, he fired Comey, setting off the sh*tstorm that we’re currently involved in. Comey learned of his separation from news reports in the middle of a briefing in Los Angeles (the equivalence of being broken up with via text). Cole World. The public humiliation, I’m sure, was enough to push Comey over the edge, and gave him a good enough reason to let the choppa sing. Now Comey is back, a man scorned, and lookin’ for reveeeenge.
Jim Comey had time today. Sure, he loves America, but this is about more than just patriotism. This is Comey with a point to prove. This is a petty person’s wet dream. James Comey had the opportunity to rip his former boss a new one on a public stage…and he had the receipts. Oh, what a day.
During his testimony, Comey’s voice didn’t shake, it did not quiver, he did not stutter. He said what he said, and he meant every damn word. The level of pure cut throatedness it takes to stand there alone and speak out against the President is pretty damn admirable.
“He wanted loyalty, but all I could promise was honesty,” Comey said of the President. I think that’ll be the name of my album when it drops. And this…this will be the cover.
The best part of it all? Today, Comey laid out facts for Obstruction of Justice and Abuse of Power. These were also the first two Articles of Impeachment for Nixon. This could be the beginning of the end, and thank God for that.