The internet exploded last Friday when we learned that Russell Wilson and Ciara had gotten engaged. After having dated for nearly two years, the couple is finally ready to make it official. We’ve all been sitting around, watching their every move, wondering when Russell was going to pop the question. The two had been practicing celibacy, and the truth is, we all wondered when they’d give in to the sin of the flesh. As far as we know, there hasn’t been any skin to skin action. Now, they’re happily celebrating their engagement. And boooy it’s really pissing the F*ckboys of America off.
Here are 5 responses to Russell and Ciara’s engagement that prove that y’all ain’t sh*t.
1. Because you deserve BETTER, Bro! (Only problem is, most of you can’t do better than Ciara)
— Sam Christian (@PhillyTheBoss) March 14, 2016
2. Oh yea, he couldn’t POSSIBLY be marrying her because he wants to! It must be because he needs sex! I forgot-men can’t control their penises!
When that post nut clarity hits Russell Wilson and he sees the engagement ring still on Ciara's finger pic.twitter.com/dW6qjUVkZC
— Cameron Giles🇲🇼 (@Jay_SaidIt) March 11, 2016
3. Because everyone knows you deserve to be put to death for asking that your child’s father help out!
if i was future i woulda been got ciara killed puttin me on child support dat hoe corny
— SPACEGHOSTPURRP (@PurrpleHazeeee) March 14, 2016
4. This makes so much sense, especially since Ciara isn’t a millionaire, or anything.
A dude as corny as Russell Wilson marrying Ciara proves the only thing you really need is the money
— Stone (@Stoner__C) March 11, 2016
5. When all else fails, do this corny sh*t.
Russell Wilson marrying a boy?
— ㅤ (@YungWaltDisknee) March 11, 2016
Strangely enough, as you guys typed these tweets from the comfort of your mother’s basement, it never occurred to you that Ciara and Russell could give two sh*ts about you. Ciara is somewhere break dancing, and Russell is somewhere online shopping for some nice oils to rub on Ciara’s body when they finally do the do. They. Rich. And. Happy.
After reading these tweets again, I realized the problem was bigger than just a little jealousy. This was BMS (Bitter Man Syndrome) at its finest. These men actually hate Ciara. They’re misogynists. They probably hate most women they come in contact with.
Sadly, they have a problem with the fact that Russell treats women with respect-something I’m sure they rarely do.Yikes.
@ciara hoe you love attention huh…
— SweetJonesJr (@DhaBaddGuyy) March 2, 2016
Ciara just a single mom doing what all single moms do be a hoe and try to force every nihga they meet to settle down with them
— HoGG García (@HellonDaScale) March 3, 2016
I like Russell Wilson as a qb but this nigga the biggest cornball I ever seen ciara punking this nigga taking care of future baby
— Robert (@STEALZUS) March 3, 2016
*insert Oprah voice* Now here’s what I know for sure-you will NOT get ANY decent woman so long as you spend your time in your mom’s basement, leaching off her wi-fi and judging women who wouldn’t even let you touch them with someone ELSE’S penis. So give it up. Unplug your computer, change your underwear, and get out into the real world. Seek help.
Or else, you just might be single…