Last night, while indulging in one of my many guilty pleasures (Love and Hip Hop), I realized the women I once hated, for some strange reason, I now felt extremely sorry for. Watching Tara, (Peter Gunz’ ex-wife turned side piece) question Peter for caring about Amina’s reaction after finding out her husband cheated AND impregnated another woman, made me want to throw something at the TV. But because my TV is brand spanking new, and mama ain’t raise no fool-I just yelled at it. That’s right. I yelled long and hard.
If you don’t keep up with all the drama on Love and Hip Hop New York, then sorry for ya. This ain’t the post for you. But if you DO, you can definitely feel me on this one, and you probably are sick and tired of being sick and tired of this terrible threesome too.
You see, it just never made sense to me. I couldn’t understand why two beautiful women would stay with a has-been rapper that travels from place to place with a knapsack, doing reckless sh*t like he’s a character on Adventure Time.
Week after week, I’d be infuriated. I’d tweet feverishly and talk shit about these women in the groupchat with my girls. I was pissed. Did these women really think that poorly of themselves?
I gotta admit-I laughed when I saw this make its way across my timeline
— Jewnose Mars (@YolieTheJew) January 20, 2016
The Iternet is AMAZING. I’m sure you laughed too. But after last night’s show I realized that there’s something more. These women aren’t thinking clearly. They’ve been d*ck-ma-tized. By this n*gga.
Look at him. This screenshot is him in mid-explanation for some f*ck sh*t he just got caught doing. And just like always, he’ll weasel his way out of this one and continue to plant his seeds all along the northeast region of the United States. He can’t stop, won’t stop. And sure, we’re all laughing and joking about it now, but this is serious business. Women all over the world are suffering from the same condition-D*ck-ma-Tization, and we gotta put an end to it before it’s too late. Here are the five stages of being D*ck-ma-Tized, and three ways to cure it.
1.STAGE 1: Euphoria– OMG! The sex was so good! I can’t believe the sex was THAT good! When you wake up in the morning, all you see is rainbows in the sky, even if it’s raining cats and dogs. You smile at the b*tch you don’t like at work, and you don’t mind sitting in traffic during your commute in the A.M. Life is GOOD. Go YOU!
2.STAGE 2: Skepticism-3:00 PM rolls around. Wait…was it actually that good? Maybe I was drunk. It wasn’t THAT good. I’ve had better….right??? Let me invite him over again tonight just to make sure.
3. STAGE 3: Feen-Holy shit. It IS that good. This shit is amazing. I need it every day. All day. What time is it? Is it time, again? Nah. He’s probably at work.
4. STAGE 4: Crazy-That n*gga can’t go NOWHERE! Why she lookin at you like that? You know her? Damn, I’m trippin. Or AM I? I mean, he does have great sex. I don’t know why he wouldn’t be out here sharing his skills with ALL the ladies. He probably is. Fuck him. Should’ve never gave him the cat. Your mood changes and he asks you what’s wrong. Your response?
5. STAGE 5: Stuck on Stupid-You guys have been sexing for a few months now and you have no plans on leaving. You found out he ain’t shit, but you don’t care. You’re just here for the USDA approved, A1. You despise him. You hate your life. You have permanent mascara streaks on your face, but you’re still holding on by a thread. You’re stuck on stupid.
Now you’re on your friends’ nerves because they’re tired of hearing you talk about the same n*gga you’ve been talking about since George Washington was President. Hell, you’re on your OWN damn nerves. And all you can do is sit and cry on his blow up mattress while he “records” a horrible rap song that no one will ever hear. It’s OK girl. I know. I know your pain.
Here are 3 ways you can overcome this situation and finally snap out of being D*ck-ma-Tized.
1.Sike. Just kidding! I don’t know either girl! Good luck!