Two years ago, I moved to Atlanta, GA. I can without a doubt say that it’s the best career move I’ve ever made. But I’ve come to realize that if I ever want to get married and have children, I may have to throw the towel in and pack my bags soon.
In case you haven’t heard, dating in Atlanta SUCKS.
Take this pool, throw a couple of turds in it, and you’ve got the dating pool in Atlanta.
Some may say that I’m over exaggerating, and that might very well be true. But I can assure you that dating in Atlanta is no easy feat for women, and I don’t think it will get any easier in the years to come. With my biological clock ticking as loud as a fake Rolex, I need to find some answers FAST. And while unfortunately, I don’t have all the answers on how to find a husband, I can tell you the types of men you will run into in Atlanta, and how to deal with them. That’s a start, right?
Three times divorced, has an account on SugarBabies.com, a pseudo pot belly, a large bank account and a HELL of a crease in his pants, this man is The Sugar Daddy. He is guaranteed to take up all the slots on your call log. Why? Because older men don’t text, they call. He wants to hear your voice (and the noise in the background). He’s spending all of his hard earned money on you, and as a result, he wants you to be at his beck and call. Basically, he wants to ensure that you’re not giving up your sweet sugar baby snatch to any other men while HE’S paying that note on your car. You’re basically his property.
How to Deal-
Here’s the thing about Sugar Daddies-Either you’re in, or you’re out. There’s no in between with these guys. They are expecting something from you in return for whatever it is that they’re doing for you. It may not always be sex, but it’s SOMETHING. Whether it’s your time, your body, your kind words, be prepared to WORK. If you’re not down for that, and if you don’t even really like the guy, just remove yourself from the situation, or it COULD (read WILL) get ugly. These guys are clingy.
You no longer have to break your neck to get to the club before 11. No more pre-gaming at the house, and carrying your stone encrusted flask in your purse. You are officially COVERED at the door! *does praise dance* You don’t need to have your name on the list, and everybody knows your name like you’re in an episode of Cheers. You and your friends sashay into the club like you’re Beyonce n ‘nem because you’re promoter boo has got everything HANDLED. He’s basically the Olivia Pope of nightlife. BUT, things are gonna start to get tricky when he’s ALWAYS at the club, when he ALWAYS wants to pop bottles, and when he ALWAYS has video vixen chics in his face. Sometimes a girl just wants to Netflix and chill.
How to Deal-
I feel like when you’re young, dating the party promoter is cool. At the young age of 21, who DOESN’T want a party promoter boyfriend? But as you grow older, I think you might start to see things differently. So if you realize that the party promoter isn’t for you, then bow out gracefully. If you think you can make things work, you have to be willing to compromise. As someone who’s dated party promoters, DO NOT GO TO THE CLUB EVERY TIME HE GOES. Just save yourself some stress. Don’t blow his phone up while he’s working. If you don’t trust him, leave him. Otherwise, let the man do his job. When he gets home, give him something he can feel 😉
- The Married Man-
You’ll usually catch him at a happy hour right after work. He sometimes goes there to avoid having to go straight home. He’ll be sitting there with a beer, some cognac, or even a dry martini straight up. He’ll be there, at the bar, on the prowl. If you two DO happen to exchange numbers, he’ll always call/text you during the day…probably on his lunch break. Or better yet, you work with him, so he can just talk to you face to face, and attempt to ruin your life on a daily. But most likely, he’ll hit you up reeeaal late at night, after he’s put his wife AND kids to sleep.
How to Deal-
Block his number. You don’t need to do the whole contacting his wife thing. It’s unnecessary. Just evaporate into thin air. Let it go. End of story.
Mo’ money, mo’ money, MO’! These two men have more than enough money to go around, and you can bet your bottom dollar that both of them got it illegally. Just name it, you got it. Anything you want. (Sometimes) Out to eat every day of the week. Bottle after bottle at the club. Strip clubs. Bags. But what you WON’T get is some money on your tuition, or some other necessary ish you’re in dire need of. Nope. Just a good time, and enough to keep you looking fine so he can show you off around the city.
How to Deal-
Basically, never get too comfortable. There’s always gonna be something going down. Get used to having a lot of people over. His delinquent friends will always be around. They’ll always be in your living room plotting on their next move or talking about how great they are. So here’s what you gotta do—leave. Get out. Once you find out that that’s what’s going down, you’d be a FOOL to stay. But some girls like that kinda thing, so I guess it all depends. But don’t say I didn’t warn you. You’ll be taking phone calls from prison soon, and those phone calls get veerrryyy old after a while. Spoiler Alert: There’s not much to talk about.
What’s the time limit on how long you can be an up and coming rapper? Asking for a friend. Because…we are getting OLD boo, and we gotta eat. This guy has an entourage, HELLA mixtapes, and is working on his NEW rap label. But, what else does he do? I know he just probably wants you guys to be the next Jay-Z and Beyonce, but that might not happen in this lifetime. But sure, I’ll take a copy of your mixtape and post about it on Instagram.
How to Deal-
Sit him down. Don’t make this an attack on him or his character. Make this a “group activity.” Plan out your goals for the next five years. See what his ass has to say. If he has some reasonable goals, then hear him out. Give him encouragement. If he’s talking about how legendary of a rapper he’s gonna be, and DASSIT, you may need to explain to him that you’d like a man with some more career goals, and then consider making that move OUT of the relationship/situationship. If you’re OK with dating an aging up and coming rapper, then keep supporting your man, but just remember, the odds of him becoming the next Jay-Z are as slim as you being the next Beyonce. He needs a plan B.
MmmmOHMYGOD! You’re there, on a date. And you’re having a great conversation. Everything is flowing SO NICELY. It’s like you enjoy all of the same things. Love and Hip Hop Atlanta, Apple Martinis, that new MAC lip color that just…wait a damn minute! Something’s a little off here…Then you start noticing his hand gestures and the slang he’s using…goddammit, it’s happened again! You’re dating a down low brother in the ATL.
How to Deal-
Ask questions. Lots of them. Call all your gay friends in for a pow wow. Ask them if they’ve seen this brother out there on the scene. Put them on his trail. (I’ve actually done this before for a friend) Have one of them grill him without him knowing he’s being grilled. Social media tells it all. Check out the well-known gay dating sites. Grindr is one of them. The truth will come out sooner than later. Trust me. You don’t have to “out” him. A person should never be THROWN out of the closet. They should always come out when they’re ready. But just let them know that they WON’T be dating you in the meantime!
Here’s the kicker: He’s the one that a lot of women overlook. He’s thought to be “boring,” he may not dress to the nines, be flashy, or be a roughneck, but he’s the good man we all claim we want.
He’s amazing. He knows exactly what to say and when to say it. He’s cultured, he has manners, he’s FINE. He makes good conversation, he has all of his teeth, and he doesn’t have hella baby mamas. He’s just a good dude who loves to spend time with you, yet you just don’t know if it’s “right.”
How to Deal-
Don’t be so quick to give up or be so judgmental. Hear him out. Be willing to learn and be open to new things.
Ask him up front what he’s looking for. His response will let you know where he stands. If he seems unsure, he probably is. But that doesn’t mean things can’t change in the future. Give him some time to warm up to you. Don’t pressure him…BUT let him know where YOU stand, and be clear about your expectations. Moving too fast can scare a man off, but not giving him enough attention can make him think you’re not that into him. As time goes on, you’ll know if he’s the one, and it will become clear to you whether or not he thinks YOU’RE the one. And take it from there.
But if you don’t think the perfect guy is the one for you, then girl, go ahead and call Tyrone.There may not be any hope for you. But it’s cool, Tyrone needs love too, right?