“Wanna come over?” You’re lying in bed, or maybe cleaning up around the house. You could be sitting at your desk at work, trying to make that deadline that’s been hanging over your head for the last week, or you could be grocery shopping, trying to figure out how to make low fat homemade pizza…you know, you’re doing girl stuff. But you stop, read the text, and all of a sudden, your mind races. You quickly run down a list of responses in your head. How should you respond? What should you say? Hell yea, you wanna come over…but deep down, you’re kinda anxious. Before you respond, you know this is going to require the intelligence of your oh so opinionated group of friends, so like any girl with a problem that needs solving, you toss your troubles into the groupchat. They can handle this…right?
Well, let’s be honest. The groupchat handles all of your serious life issues like 4 times out of 10, but who are we kidding, it’s always fun to get your girlfriends’ perspectives on a situation.
Because now you’re wondering what all of this means…did he ask you to come over because he really likes you and wants to kick it, or did he invite you over to watch 15 minutes of the movie he’s “been wanting to see”, just to try and jump your bones, 16 minutes in? Jesus, when did chillin’ become so complicated?
But in a day and age where it seems like nobody is willing to settle down, and people really have no concept of “dating”, how soon is TOO soon when it comes to givin’ up the cookies when dating a guy?
Personally, I’ve heard everything from waiting until the third date, to employing the 90 day rule will increase a woman’s chances of keeping a man around that she really likes…but let’s keep it completely “one hunnit”…women have no clue how this sh*t works. We wreck our brains trying to figure out if we’re a ho, or if the man we wanna sleep with THINKS we’re a ho. We send texts to our friends, trying to decode man language, and we grow gray hair just trying to get an estimated time on when it’s acceptable to give up the cat. We’re tired.
And because I’m always here to help, I decided I needed to get to the bottom of this. So I went and got the answers straight from the dog’s–I mean, horse’s mouth. Here’s what men had to say when I asked them this question:
“Is there a such thing as giving it up too early when a woman wants a man to take them seriously?”
For me, “giving it up early” is a result of great chemistry. It’s 2015, people have sex lol.
If the intent is to establish a serious relationship, that’s not a great foundation to start with. It’s an act of desperation in that case.
My three relationships in my life were two years, three years, three and a half and I had sex with them all on the first or second date. It means nothing.
Like if she gives it to me early & it doesn’t work out/develop into something more it’s not b/c we had sex early. I’d say it wasn’t going to develop into more anyway, regardless of if she made me wait or gave in early.
Idk if there is such a thing, I think it’s more so how much of a physical attraction two people share between one another, but I can say that it is also based on the man, whereas some men can discredit the fact and say oh yea she gave it up early so it could never be and their perception is already written. Or rather they have made their choice about this woman, then you have other men who won’t judge and can be adult about it and say sure she gave it up a lil early but we had fun and don’t discredit or donwgrade the woman. Maybe he wants to learn more about her and get to know her more on a intellectual stand point. . .myself personally I try not to judge. Women are human as well and although they may not always come off as looking just to the physical, at times they do. I’m not disagreeing or agreeing with giving it up early. It’s all up to the person but it is a tricky situation. It takes adults to recognize the difference and be able to move pass that aspect if they see its worth the time to get to know the other person.
Well, it’s all subjective. In my humble opinion, yes. There is such thing as a woman giving it up too early. Most men have been reared to think a certain way and part of that is that a woman is loose if you can have sex with her as soon as you meet her. I think today, our generation has less traditional views on that but a dude will almost always think “Does she fuck everyone this easily? Does that imply that she’s out here fucking dudes left and right without knowing much about them?”
Personally, I think that if there is certain chemistry btwn two ppl the timing becomes less important, but what happens AFTER the fact is what matters. For most ppl if you want someone to take you seriously and consider you to be someone that has substance and uses discernment then sleeping with someone quickly usually isn’t going to imply that.
In my honest opinion sex “too soon” won’t deter me from having a serious relationship. I made my mind up already about continuing the path to something serious before sex. That’s just being real. I made my mind up if something serious could happen before the first date. I don’t go around talking about my sex life. It’s private. So if I fuck on the first date only she and I will know. People tend to base their relationship on other people’s opinions. That’s not me. Great sex on the first date accompanied with the things I look for in a relationship my expedite the process. Dead ass.
I think it’s all about how it’s done. How she approached the situation. You know what you want, so you go for it.
I would be cool [waiting] as long as it was done right. Like don’t let it go too far and then switch up. And be confident if that’s the route you wanna go. I would respect it more if you’re not goofy about it. I might also think [if made to wait] that she’s one of those ‘set the number of chill times before we smash’ type chicks…but I would respect that and play along if she’s cool with it.
Absolutely… I know some people are different in their opinions on this. But if a woman gives it up too easy it will definitely change a guy’s view on her. His association with her will be sex and not her personality quirks or their conversations or connection. It’s shocking how many people think its ok. Ive asked this question many times. And every time I get people who say “I fucked my husband on the first date and we still together.” Lol. Whatever works i guess. If you smashing me on the first date, how many other guys did you hit on the first date?
Certain situations cause a certain feeling at that certain moment. Won’t be the same for everybody.
I’m just saying, I love sex. So I don’t have this calendar or timeline thing going on.
Definitely is such a thing. I’ve dealt with a lot of women in my life. And now a married man.. & I can honestly say when I get it too early I lose a little respect for her, subconsciously.
Ok. Wowzers. So based off of these answers, and I am to conclude that time DOESN’T matter? Or do I just have some really liberal guy friends? Well here’s what science says:
It found that people with more casual sexual encounters under their belts — and more partners in general — were at greater risk for divorce. This was also true if they’d lived with partners other than the individual they ended up marrying.
The research also suggests that having sex, or hooking up, early on in a relationship can lead to an unsuccessful marriage later. What’s more, if the relationship that led to the marriage began with a hookup, it was even more likely to be unsatisfactory.
This was even true for couples that had only had sex with each other before marriage.
These findings are interesting, given many feel that physical compatibility is extremely important if two people hope to have a happy marriage.
What this study suggests is when a couple waits to have sex, it becomes more satisfactory and fulfilling in the long run. This is because the people are really able to ensure they’re compatible on a psychological and emotional level.
In many ways, this comes as no surprise as it has been suggested that the brain is the most powerful sexual organ. If you’re already connected to a person mentally, and you’re physically attracted to them on top of it, forming an intimate relationship should be pretty easy later on.
WELP. That’s what the scientists say. But what do YOU say? Does having sex too early ruin your chances of ever having something real with your new potential BAE? Weigh in in the comments below!