4 Thoughts About Surfer Mick Fanning’s Shark Attack


If you didn’t catch the news, Australian pro-surfer Mick Fanning was attacked by a shark last weekend off the coast of South Africa during the J-Bay Open surfing competition. While I’m glad the man is alive to tell the story, I have a few things I need to say.


Not being funny, but…when y’all gonna learn y’all’s lesson? I mean, was Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin’s death not enough? The man was swimming with a stingray when he died. A STING RAY. Then there’s stuff like this.

Oh and this story is one for the record books. I feel like what the animals are basically saying is…leave us the f*ck alone. No?


2. Cut It Out With These Charts–


So? What’s this supposed to mean? Listen, hear me, and hear me good: I’M NOT GOING ANYWHERE NEAR THESE ANIMALS. I like my arms, and legs. THANKS.

3. Stop Calling These Attacks “Unprovoked”–

Sorry to break the news but…a shark doesn’t need to be “provoked” to attack you. You’re in the water where he lives. He’s hungry. You ARE provoking him.

Via Discovery.com:

After the recent deaths, some researchers are starting to wonder if certain sharks are developing a taste for humans. Jose Leonardo Castillo, chief shark investigator for Mexico’s National Fishing Institute, recently announced that he and his colleagues are investigating this possibility, since criminal activity has resulted in bodies being dumped in the areas where the two surfers in Mexico died. It could be that, after repeatedly consuming other human flesh, one or more sharks could associate people with food.

neneeyeroll4. But I’m Just Glad Mick Has Sense Enough to Say This–

‘I’m happy to not even compete ever again. Seriously, to walk away from that, I’m just so stoked.’


Good call, Mick. Listen, I’m not saying give up on your dreams, but let’s use a little common sense here. Don’t ever go that deep into the water ever again. Glad you’re OK.

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