I read a post from one of my favorite blogs the other day that got me to thinking. I saw it several times on my news feed, so I decided to take a look. Recently, Wale released a music video that got a lot of people talking. Most people were criticizing the storyline, because they felt like Wale was encouraging women to settle for their dusty ass exes, and leave the “good guy” behind. I can understand that argument, but I see things a little differently.
The author of the post calls Wale’s video a “Step by Step Guide on Why Millennials Suck at Relationships.”
Now granted, I can agree. Millennials DO suck at relationships. We’re selfish, we’re narcissistic, we lack patience, work ethic, and morals. There’s no denying that. But then again, some of us don’t. Some of us are actually perfectly decent human beings who still suck at relationships.
In the video, Wale’s ex-boo has moved on with her life and is about to marry a handsome ass man in a nice ass church. It’s a nice ass day…Until Wale shows up in a tux with his dreads in a formal “up do” and shades on. Within a few seconds, the pseudo-bride runs from the alter and into Wale’s arms. Prior to that, Wale admits to everybody that he’s been a pretty sucky boyfriend, and that he probably might not be a great person. But he says that he loves her and wants to be with her forever.
Love the song. Love the video. But why did she leave dude at the alter? Didn't she give u enough chances to get it right? Please lmao @Wale
— NICKI MINAJ (@NICKIMINAJ) June 19, 2015
As you can see from Nicki’s tweet, people were up in arms about ol’ girl leaving her fiance at the alter. Many people wanted to know why Wale chose that ending. But here’s the thing: If the girl left the man at the alter…SHE DIDN’T WANNA BE MARRIED TO HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE.
If you think I’M bout to leave my fiance at the alter after we’ve bought dresses, cakes, and wedding rings, you are MISTAKEN. Anybody who’s willing to waste that type of coin reaallly doesn’t want to be there.
Second. While I think marriage is right for ME, serious relationships and marriages aren’t really all that popular amongst the people in our generation. And it ain’t Wale’s fault. His video is simply a reflection of the reality we live in.
Marriages are on the decline.
Do I think that’s a good thing? Not necessarily. Do I think it’s a good thing that people who don’t want to be married aren’t getting married? Yes.
You know what happens when people who shouldn’t be married GET married?
Here’s the thing about marriage. Its changed because we’ve changed. We’re different…culturally speaking.
The concept of a marriage is not necessarily a crucial part of human survival anymore. In today’s society, marriage as an institution is not completely necessary to how we exist.
Back then, marriage was created for a lot of reasons that had to do with the survival of the human race. Because life could get a little rough, it was important to group together in family units. Women needed men in order to have a decent life. I mean, women couldn’t vote, many of them couldn’t find decent jobs…they couldn’t even get credit cards in their own names. Families often had lots of children in order to help around the house, maintain the farms, etc. Today it’s really different. People are self-sufficient, and women are independent. If we choose to, we can survive without “the other.” Being apart has become really easy.
Not to mention the sex. People are having sex with lots of people. There are so many options. Let’s not forget the Internet. You can find ANYTHING on the Internet, including sex. When you really think about it, social media sites are dating sites in disguise. People have become so accessible. It’s much easier to explore.
So what about monogamy? Is Wale really a bad guy, or is he just…normal? What if monogamy was just a thing created because it was considered ideal to raise a family? What if it was created to simply keep order? What if it isn’t natural at all?
“The human species has evolved to make commitments between males and females in regards to raising their offspring, so this is a bond,” said Jane Lancaster, an evolutionary anthropologist at the University of New Mexico. “However that bond can fit into all kinds of marriage patterns – polygyny, single parenthood, monogamy…like most mammals, we are a polygynous species.”
“The reporter informed us that approximately 40% of her “person on the street” subjects thought that open relationships were a valid and viable option, even if not for them personally.” -Alternet.org
How many of you know people who are in boring, lifeless marriages, just dying to get out? I do. How many of you know couples who don’t even sleep in the same bed? *raises hand slowly* Some people are just so unhappy because they married who their parents wanted them to marry, or married because their “clock” was ticking.
Listen, before you get it twisted, I’m not saying people shouldn’t get married, and I’m certainly not saying people should cheat. Hopefully someday, I’ll get married. If my boyfriend can get over my diva attitude, maybe eventually one day he’ll propose. Lol And hopefully, we’ll both live happily ever after in a nice house with a picket fence. And it WILL be a monogamous relationship.
But all I’m saying is, monogamy is hard. It’s always been hard. It’s just becoming more obvious because we have so…many…options.
Or maybe you DO decide to get married. But you choose to have an open relationship like these celebs. Does that make you bad people, or does that simply mean that you guys know what you want?
Here’s what I’m saying: Wale was totally wrong for doing ol’ girl dirty. He should’ve been honest. BUT I think it’s as simple as that. Being honest with your mate about what you want and what you don’t want. I personally don’t think what he did was completely “abnormal,” and I don’t think she’s a dummy for wanting to be with the person she really loves. As far as we can tell, Wale wasn’t beating her, threatening her or anything like that. She was a grown woman who made an adult decision. Do we all have to LIKE the decision? No. But do we have to shame them for their choices? I don’t think we do. I think we spend a lot of time shaming people for doing things that we consider “abnormal,” instead of focusing on our own relationships. I’m not encouraging people to cheat on their partners by any means. What I am encouraging people to do is to find a partner that falls in line with what you want, and make sure you both agree. As long as you have an understanding…do you boos!