Black Women Get Down With The Swirl (Revisited)



This Is An Oldie But Goody: Written in 2013. I don’t currently don’t have the same set of circumstances as far as the dating scene is concerned, but one of my readers asked about this article after I posted my article on Lupita N’yongo. She wondered if the way some Black men viewed beauty as it relates to Black women had caused some Black women to date outside of their race. Here’s an interview I did with a young lady who had chosen to date White men:

Black Women Get Down With the Swirl (2013)

Statistics show that Black women are the least likely of all women to date outside of their race. Interestingly enough, they are also the least likely to get married. Being a Black woman myself, who is rapidly approaching 30, these statistics were a bit disturbing to me. Well, actually, these stats scared me to death.

Every once in a while, (every other week) over a glass of wine, and a chic flick, my friends and I will discuss relationships, and why we feel like so many successful Black men are dating outside of their race. We also talk about our failed relationships, our inability to get any man to truly commit, and our fear of never really truly finding a HUSBAND, who also happens to be…Black.

After all of these conversations over the years, the funny thing is, it never really occurred to us, as Black women to date outside of our race. I’m not sure why, but it just…didn’t. I wonder, have we been so brainwashed by the media, by the things we see on the TV and on the internet to think that we, as Black women were undesirable, not deserving of a solid, meaningful relationship with a man who wasn’t Black? I mean, of course, we all joked once in a while about dating a rich white man, and we’d all laugh, raise our glasses, and cheers. But that was all it really was…a joke. What was the issue? Had we trained ourselves to be loyal to a group of men who were being less than loyal in return? I mean, Black men seemed to have absolutely NO problem dating outside of their race. Were we just scared? Scared of what might happen? Scared of the backlash? Scared of not being good enough? Scared of stepping out of our comfort zones…WHAT WAS IT?

I have to admit- I was surprised when my good friend of 15 years announced that she was dating a white man. And according to her, she’s the happiest she’s ever been. I began to wonder…I began to think. Who else was out there dating white men, and what exactly was it like? I wanted to know. So I asked. I spoke with a young Black woman who says that she definitely prefers dating white men over Black men. She is a 25 year old Howard graduate, who was a Senior Finance Major. She is currently in school, working on her Master’s degree. Here’s what she had to say:

1. Do you prefer white men over Black men?

Yes I do.

2. How long ago was your last relationship with a Black man?

My last formal relationship with a brother was over 5 years ago, but I’ve had my fair share of situationships with them since then.

3. Did you grow up in a household without a father?

My parents divorced when I was a toddler and my mother remarried soon after. That didn’t work out, and as a result I grew up in a single parent home.

4. What do you like about white men?

I love the fact that white men are cultured. They’re also open to traveling and don’t cringe at the thought of getting out of the DMV. Plus I don’t know what it is but they’re not the biggest on being flashy and keeping up with the newest threads and J’s. I don’t say that to say that they’re perfect, but their values tend to be different than that of brothers.

5. Why do you date white men?

Simply because I’m attracted to them. It’s nothing new. Growing up my stepdad always said he could see me bringing a white boy home.

6. What are your friends and family’s opinion about your preference?

They don’t  care either way as long as I’m happy. At first I didn’t voice the fact that I wouldn’t be mad if I didn’t marry a brother, but now I speak freely. You hear stories about single black women who become slaves to their loyalty to brothers. That won’t be me. I love me an attractive ambitious man and he doesn’t have to be black! Look at brothers anyways. How’d Ye put it? “And when he get on he leave yo ass fo a white girl.” And if she isn’t white then she’ll be in the “other” category. Statistics show that there’s x amount of black men incarcerated, then you add the ones who are gay and it’s like damn! Slim pickins.

7. Will you marry a white man?

It’s very possible.

8. Do white men approach you, or do approach them?


9. What is the number one thing you think Black men should fix about themselves?

Their arrogance. They worry about the wrong things, but to each is own.

I’m in no way saying that white men are better, but they have become my preference. The stuff that I see on social networks also makes me say, “Hmmm.” I’ve seen guys say that they will never marry a sista who grew up without a father. Like how crazy does that sound? It’s not our fault that our parents couldn’t get it together and stay together. Then you watch these Love and Hip Hop’s of whatever and the Chrissy and Jim show, and it’s like damn. These woman are being so faithful to these men who continue to exploit their love and loyalty and for what? None of them are married! Or their man had a child within the relationship and still no ring! Like wtf. I’d rather spend my time with someone who respects me, my time, and what I have to offer, as opposed to trivial things that don’t really matter in the broad scheme of things.

After reading these responses, I must say, I kinda feel her. Are we, as Black women, “blocking our blessings” simply because we are afraid to step out on a limb?

What do you think? Are Black men pushing Black women away?


One thought on “Black Women Get Down With The Swirl (Revisited)

  1. Black women definitely need to date out. There aren’t a whole lot of brothas stepping up to the plate. I’m seeing a lot of women turning to dating women because they feel they have no other options. There are a world of men out there. You could die an old maid waiting on a black man.

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